Why Do Aging Parents Balk At Signing Updated Wills And Trusts?

By the time your aging parents reach age 65 or 70, things may have changed in the family for estate planning purposes. Many older folks had an attorney put documents in place 30 years ago or so, but now they look at what they want to do for grandchildren. They look at how an adult child has lost favor due to substance abuse or other problems. And laws about estate taxes change over time, too. Their prior estate planning lawyer is long ago retired or gone. They seek a new attorney to update everything.

1. The Usual Steps
2. These retirement aged people, sometimes an older couple (OC) who want to be responsible and see that their wishes are carried out, meet with the attorney. They bring the old documents and describe what they need now. Typically, the new attorney who does estate planning must start afresh, not wanting to try to revise someone else’s work years after that original lawyer is no longer in the picture. They all agree. The OC pays a free and the lawyer gets to work. The lawyer reviews every part of the plan and creates a new, legally updated and correct set of documents according to what OC describes.
3. The Final Step
4. According to California attorney Elizabeth Krivatsy, a very seasoned estate planner who has done this kind of work for many years, some clients just won’t take the last step and sign the documents. She has drafted a will, a trust, a Durable Power of Attorney and an Advance Health Care Directive for them. They agreed to pay her for her work. She included everything OC wanted and they accepted her advice about how to provide for anyone they want to receive an inheritance. She contacts them to come in and sign everything. They need to make an appointment. And they don’t. She speculates about why.
5. The Possible Explanations For Balking, Not Signing
6. Ms. Krivatsy opines that some people just can’t come to grips with the reality that they are going to die one day. Signing a will and trust is just too much of a reminder of that. They will talk about it and pay for legal services but when it comes to signing off on the plan, they avoid doing it. “They freak out”, she reports. She sometimes finds that even when a prior trust was created years before, an OC failed to fund it. More revealing is that they couldn’t face reality even years before to give the original version of their trust any purpose. A trust with no funding has no legal meaning.
7. What Competent Lawyers Do To “Close The Deal” and Get Signatures
8. Ms. Krivatsy is a calm and patient person, one any client with fears about signing legal papers would want. She keeps after the OC client who is hesitant on a regular basis. She uses persuasion, reminding them why they came to her in the first place. Didn’t they want to give the grandkids that funding for college? Didn’t they want to change things after a person they originally wanted to appoint had died? “Remember, this is for your only daughter” she said to one client. She allows time for the client to consider all the angles and process their own hesitation. She keeps on. In most cases, she is successful in getting those essential signatures to make the documents legally valid and useful. Only about 10% of her cases demonstrate this issue. So far, the longest it has taken was a year for an older person needing updated documents who wouldn’t sign to finally do so after they were ready. A lot can happen in a year!
9. The Warning To Adult Children
10. The somewhat unpleasant task of getting one’s own estate planning documents updated is needed for all. Aging parents may put it off, not do it, and nothing gets updated. You don’t find out until after they are seriously impaired or gone. To prevent expensive conflicts and attorneys’ fees, consider taking the initiative to start the conversation.
11. Although many older people are somewhat secretive about sharing information about their estate planning with their family members, it is important to respectfully ask. You can put it in a non-threatening way like this:
12. 1. Have you updated your legal documents, such as your will and trust in the last few years? You don’t need to tell me what’s in them. I’m just concerned that a lot of laws about this sort of thing have changed and everyone needs to update what they have, not just you.
13. 2. I’m a little worried about whom you’ve appointed to help you with decisions if you got sick or injured. I’m guessing it was my (brother, uncle, etc.) who is now mentally ill as we all know. I’m just suggesting that you get a lawyer to look at what you have so you can stay safe no matter what happens later. Something that important shouldn’t be left to chance or put off.
14. 3. I just wanted to encourage you to get your legal estate paperwork updated while you’re still healthy and clear minded. Remember when Uncle Jack had his stroke? You know he left a mess because his legal stuff was no good anymore. He had named people who had since died to take over for him and that caused a big fight and lots of money. Will you see an attorney? I can help your find a reputable one nearby if you like.